Act Like a Lady??? Think Like MYSELF!

Recently, I was given the very popular book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, written by actor/comedian Steve Harvey. Why, you ask? Well, a few people in my inner circle believe my “combative” personality towards men needs to be toned down a bit, and that reading Steve Harvey’s book was supposed to be the remedy. I know, I know. I chuckled a bit too. Being the curious woman that I am, I wanted to see what all the hoopla was about.

Well, he starts the book off by saying that in terms of relationships, a man loves a woman only when he professes his love for her, can provide for her, and protect her. Mr. Harvey notes that one of the ways a man makes known he wants to be serious with a woman is by “claiming” her. If he hasn’t “claimed” you, all he wants to do is sleep with you, no more, no less. He explains that when men come home, men need to hear things like (this is a direct quote from the book) “You so big and strong and you’re everything I need”. I don’t know about you, but trying to tell a man I’m involved with that exact statement would lead me into a hysterical laughing fit! Don’t misunderstand me, I have no problems complementing, but only when it’s warranted… I refuse to go running to the door as soon as I hear the keys rattling with OH HONEY YOU’RE SO BIG AND STRONG THANK MY LUCKY STARS BIG DADDY IS HOME!!

Ok. Chapter Four of the book is one I have the most issue with. Steve goes on to discuss the fact that men never want to hear women start a conversation with “I need to talk” because it apparently sends men into a frenzy. Whether or not we need to discuss something important or just feel like talking to the men in our lives, Steve Harvey says men are uninterested in talking to us about our feelings… our female friends are in our lives for this purpose. Which lead me to this question: What the hell is the point of being in a relationship with a person who doesn’t want to know why you may be upset? Or doesn’t want to talk like good friends do?

My imagination began to get the best of me, as I started to envision such a relationship… wife comes home from work, gives her husband a quick peck on the lips and runs for her cell phone to tell her closest female friend all about her day. Is that what living with another is supposed to be about Mr. Harvey? Furthermore, is this what women are rushing down the isle for?

Later in the book, Steve brings up the male need for sex, where he so tenderly references our lovely vaginas as “the cookie” (insert sarcasm here). Women need to understand that regardless of your busy schedule sex needs to go down, and regularly, or else you are sending him in the arms of another woman, explains Mr. Harvey.

And here is the biggest excitement of it all! Females should expect that you will not get the ol’ “wine and dine” regularly either. Expect no thrills sex, because that’s what “your man” wants to give you. SO EXCITING (insert more sarcasm here)!

The most disturbing part of the book is his discussion on self worth. The book says we as women, need to know “what our price” is. If we let men know our “price” upfront, men will let us know if it’s too high a “price” to pay. After reading that very statement, I threw this book into a bonfire. Well, in my mind I did. Mr. Harvey, you have thousands of women around the country hooked on the ideas in your book, and I can almost guarantee that not one of those women is one step closer to a relationship because of your outdated ideology. I’m also going to need you to stop referring to my vagina as the cookie. If at 55 years old you aren’t comfortable referring to the female anatomy correctly, that’s a personal issue! It’s a vagina! Say it with me, VAGINA… yes, that’s it.

I have come across five female reading groups in the last month that are currently discussing this book, and I can only hope that there will be that one woman that won’t be afraid to challenge Mr. Harvey’s ideas in a room full of women desperate to find out how to accomplish male thinking to score a relationship.

Ladies, have confidence in your own personal abilities!!! We are strong beautiful, independent, and brilliant… if a woman so desires to establish a relationship, woman, you are more than capable of doing so, and with your own mind!!!

Kellee Montgomery-Snow is a native of Boston, Massachusetts. Loud and proud Feminist, lover of nature and mom of the greatest kids in the universe

If you want to contribute as well, mail us at We’re also looking for scriptwriters for the YouTube channel we might open

@being_feminist on Twitter

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | 5 Comments

Post navigation

5 thoughts on “Act Like a Lady??? Think Like MYSELF!

  1. Dugald Ferguson

    This is a great review and rant. I can only apologise,as a man, that such a ghastly man should presume that he has the right let alone the insight to lecture a woman, any woman, on how to relate to men. Most of us are really quite ordinary human beings who want good friends and to be good partners with the woman who agrees to share our lives (if we are lucky enough to find one who reciprocates our affection, love and (I hope) adoration).

  2. shatani

    I feel like this book is an insult to men. The men Steve Harvey is describing need two things: a puppy and a blow-up doll. They need not inflict themselves on real adult women who are complex and dynamic human beings. I refuse to believe that such idiocy is the norm. If it is, then I will just have to be single. I will not be in a relationship in which I have to fake anything. I need an equal, someone who is interested in who I am and willing to share with me who he is. If that’s too much to ask, well, I guess I’m SOL….

  3. 6milphil

    Interesting review. The quote “You so big and strong and you’re everything I need” sounds not so much what a man might hear from a woman as what he might hear from a prostitute. This seems to be reenforced the more it proceeds. This also reminds me of the old “50 ways to pick up Woman” books which used to be hocked in the classified ads of magazine and which where less convincing than the X-ray specs advert adjacent to it. They’re more useful too.

    p.s. Vagina

  4. Jennie

    Thank you for shedding some light on what Steve Harvey thinks about women and heterosexual relationships…I laughed when you said you “threw this book into a bonfire!!” Good riddance. What a nightmare are his opinions of how women should act-how dated! This is the year 2013 not 1950! Scary but true-I think alot of men think this way as well. Most of them are especially staunch due to Feminism gaining power with women and liberating us. Steve will be left in the dust after women read this shitty book and I really hope that people are intelligent and cultured enough not to believe his nonsense. I actually liked his silly tv show (forgot the name) but now I see him in a different light. He is a stereotype of an arrogant hetero man-the kind I abhor! I, like you, don’t put up with any shit from men either and will happily battle with them if they step out of line around me.If more women did this the world would be much different. 🙂

    • KD

      I recently read this book and though most of the comments on this book are three years old, felt the need to reply. While I am in total agreement that the book’s tone has a decidedly disturbing “how to be a prosititute” feel, I think all of you are forgetting something. Harvey has written what he knows goes on in the mind of men. He has not made a judgment on what men are thinking, only that they think it. Maybe the issue then is not Harvey’s book but how women and men will, in the future ensure that men’s thinking pattern is more in line with modern day realities.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Blog at

%d bloggers like this: